These Are Not Fixes. Just A Release!

Sometimes when things go out of control, your nervous system gets over-activated, and without realizing it, you enter a dark and powerful reality that exists only in your head. 

This happens when you’re deeply triggered by fear, fear of loss, fear of losing control, or fear of losing something important. 

The feeling becomes so powerful that it completely disconnects you from everything else.

When this happens, you uncontrollably self-sabotage or start doing things that are harmful.  A few examples:

Some people experience this more intensely than others. You might know this state as being anxiously attached or simply an anxious person, someone with higher levels of cortisol. 

Now, if this happens to you, if you find yourself in that state, there are a few things you need to know. 

First, awareness is step one. It’s the key to stopping yourself from causing more damage (to yourself and the situation). Acknowledge that your logic has been hijacked. 

It’s okay to admit that.

Second, don’t do anything about the situation for now. Just pause. If you can, sit down and breathe. If you’re too anxious to sit still, run.

I remember when I got really bad news about my relationship, I couldn’t sit, I just had to walk in circles. That’s because your body is flooded with adrenaline and cortisol. 

So immediately, you don’t need to fix anything. You don’t need to say anything. You just need to not do anything.

For example, if she just told you that doesn’t want to be with you anymore, the best thing you can do is nothing. 

Just disconnect and walk away. It’s not easy or ideal, but it’s far better than staying and causing more damage. The chances of turning temporary pain into permanent damage are extremely high.

When you’re in that state, there are certain tools that calm your nervous system. 

The goal right now isn’t to fix your life, your relationship, or your emotions. The goal is simply to make sure the situation doesn’t get worse.

I remember when I was going through my first few days of breakup, those first few days were absolutely agonizing. I met this energy healer in Ubud, Bali, and went to his temple. He literally had a temple, and the experience was incredible. 

The ritual was like this: He stood in front of me, first got me to start jumping lightly up and downj and shake it out, then placed his hands on my shoulders, and began pushing and squeezing my shoulders, looked straight into my eyes, screaming loudly, powerfully to "cry it out".

I started screaming too, letting all the pain out.

After about five minutes, my screaming turned into crying. It was so intense that I completely drained my energy. Eventually, I dropped to my knees and, in total exhaustion, fell into a kind of temporary sleep right there.

These rituals are essential. Later I realized Osho has similar practises. Awesome and very helpful.

Go somewhere private, stand up, yell, start screaming. You can do it in a into a pillow if you don't have a private place. Go for a few minutes. If you do it right, the yelling turns into crying, and that’s okay it’s just your body releasing everything it’s been holding in. Keep going until you feel empty and drop down to the floor as it fades out.

Another solution (a very dangerous one). I’m not a doctor, and this is absolutely not medical advice just my personal experience. Xanax (which can easily turn your breakup into a much bigger problem if you’re not careful because of its addictive nature) should be treated with extreme caution. I took only four pills over two months.

It basically lowers anxiety by slowing down your nervous system and calming overactive thoughts.

If you ever consider it, talk to a professional first. I’d only see it as a last resort for example, if you haven’t slept for five nights and really need one night of rest. Personally, I wouldn’t recommend taking more than one pill per week.

The 3rd and the fastest solution is box breathing. Take a 5 second deep inhale, hold it as long as you can, then exhale slowly. The trick is to hold as long as you can. Repeat this 5 times. Make sure you're not driving or in the pool.

Also keep keep reminding yourself: These thoughts are not real. They sound real, they feel real, but they’re not. This is just your fear in control. It’s not real. It will pass. Keep telling yourself that. Whatever happens in this temporary state, it will pass. 

These are not fixes. Just a release. Once your body calms down, that’s when you can start thinking clearly again  plan, take small steps, move forward. First you release, then you rebuild.