Why She's Cold Distant Or Angry

Right now what feels like vicious anger from your wife is almost always a combination of several forces. Many women suppress dissatisfaction for years and emotionally detach long before they actually leave. 

The anger and coldness you’re seeing isn’t new, it’s years of frustration coming out at once.

On top of that, leaving a long-term relationship triggers survival mode. 

She’s worried about stability, housing, kids, legal costs, and her future. 

Friends and lawyers can amplify that defensiveness by pushing her to “protect herself” or “take everything she can.” From your perspective it feels like she only wants money. 

From her perspective it’s “I can’t afford to be vulnerable right now.”

There’s also a timing mismatch. 

You’re just entering the grief and shock stage while she’s at acceptance or action. 

That mismatch makes her look vicious and you look needy.

This phase is temporary.

The most effective move is to stop feeding the cycle. 

Reduce pressure, communicate calmly, and show stability instead of desperation. 

This lowers her defensiveness and makes cooperation and even reconciliation much more likely down the road.