The Mechanics Of An Argument And What Destroys Relationships

Your negative emotions are your biggest allies that can be your worst enemies as well. It's the immediate signal that you are about to react and do something you should not.

This needs monk-like awareness to understand, but if you get it, you will communicate with her in a way that makes you the most confident and attractive person she will ever meet in her life. Ready?

This is essentially the mechanics of a classic argument where the guy ends up losing the woman in the end:

She gets bothered for any reason, maybe even something completely unrelated to you, but you’re involved and she thinks it’s your fault. So, she complains about you and what you did.

If you don’t know the secrets, you feel you’re not good enough or haven’t done well. Unconsciously, you fear being weak, low-value, or not good enough for her, which means you will be replaced; this happens in a fraction of a second. You feel you might soon be rejected or dumped. Fear immediately triggers anger to save your position as a defence mechanism, a reaction to protect your position and prove you are good enough.

The problem is that anger will only prove her point. You will lose 100% of interactions where you react with anger.

Her reaction (most of the time people attack without realizing it when they feel bad about something, and you’re the next person in line). Yes, we can’t expect her to always do things right. She is wired in a way that your unawareness and mistakes make her feel as if you don’t love her. She immediately falls into her insecurity and attacks. Her attack is not because she hates you; it’s because she feels distant and wants to feel comfortable and closer. Her words can cut so deep.

Her reaction is vicious and aggressive, but not many people have the courage to say it, and as a result men don’t understand what is going on. Yes, her way of dealing with this is wrong, but that’s how she is wired.

The solution is: when you see her attacking for something you did “wrong,” remember, dude, this is not about you or what you did wrong. It just means she is feeling like you don’t care for her, you don’t understand her, and she is not important to you.

You need Yoda-level awareness to remember the emotion that you feel shouldn’t go that far and bother you so much. Do not react.