What is this
I'm sending you this because the situation you're in is messed up, and anyone in your shoes would feel stuck and unable to move forward, no matter how hard they try.
Take this as advice from your brother, not even your coach. I am not gonna filter to make sure everything is on the table.
And of course man, not everything resonates with everyone. Pick whatever resonates and discard what doesn't resonate.
I take what you're going through seriously, and my goal is to stop your pain and help you get back on top where you feel powerful and happy.
This is gonna be harsh, it will hurt your feelings but you need to hear it if you want to get her back.
Life after her
Life after her (specailly at the beginning) feels absolutely fucked. Dark. Lonely.
No woman feels like her.
Then there is the exhausting overthinking and obsession which is like an ongoing nightmare.
● How could she just leave after everything?
● Where is she?
● What is she doing?
● How can she be okay while you’re left pulling teeth emotionally, nonstop, every minute of every day?
● How can I change her mind?
Nothing, including sleeping with Miss Universe, works if you are unaware of the apocalyptic power of this nuclear bomb of emotions detonated inside of you…
The reason for the sadness and desire to cry is the accumulated and suppressed emotions need to get out.
That's why I recommended to you several times: get a pillow, put your face on it, scream in it, beat it, punch it, cry it out.
Sometimes several times a day is needed.
To the point that you pass out with tiredness.
So What’s the Solution?
Of course, getting her back would be the best. It feels like the fastest way to feel better.
● But what if that can’t happen right now?
● What if she needs time and just isn’t ready?
How much longer can you keep going like this, feeling like you’re falling apart every second?
Most guys waste almost all their energy thinking about her and the things they can’t change. That’s the usual reaction—the memories, the regret, all the “what ifs…”
The problem with that path is, one, it won’t bring her back, and two, it will turn your life into a fuckin nightmare.
The annoying Truth
This part of your life is going to be the most uneasy and uncomfortable. You’re entering unfamiliar territory with people you don’t know, and you’re going to feel a lot of resistance. It’s the end of an era—the death of a dream and the future you once imagined. Regret, fear, jealousy, sadness—you’re going to feel it all.
But here’s the truth: this is an essential next step in your relationship, and it’s moving forward with or without you. The smartest move is to lean into it. Accept what’s happening—even if it’s painful. It's already in motion. The harder you try to stop her, the more she’ll feel misunderstood. Let her go for now. It’s not forever. That space actually gives you the best shot at getting her back.
So what do you do now?
It doesn’t matter if you feel ready. The game has already started, and you have to play. You're dealing with emotional withdrawal. Your system is in shock, flooded with existential fear now that she's not around.
Your next move is to bring peace to your body. That means lowering cortisol and boosting serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin—the right way.
**All your focus and energy needs to go into doing this *the right way*. That means without her, and without drugs or alcohol.**
The ingredients are:
● **Stay away from her.** No initiating. No "accidental" texts. Don’t use weak excuses to start conversations.
● **Get a personal trainer.** Physical strength builds mental strength. ● **Socialize like your life depends on it.** Healthy social energy rewires your brain faster than isolation ever will.
● **Meet a beautiful new woman you can genuinely connect with.** This is *crucial*—especially if your ex said it's over or is seeing someone else. Even if you're not ready, this resets your chemistry. The new woman has to be as high quality or higher. Think that’s impossible? It’s not. Stick with it. Skip this and you'll suffer for months, maybe even years. Repeat: meeting someone better doesn’t hurt your chances of getting her back—it helps them.
Here’s the truth:
No matter what happens, the only way out is to take control of your emotions—with or without her. This means letting go. Right now, you have to fight for your emotional survival before your feelings crush you. That discomfort of letting go and lack of acceptance is yet another weakness, the desire to live in the past and what you had with her rather than the current reality.
I hated everything that remotely meant “let go”, “she’s gone”. I didn’t want to let go! But that’s what you need to get her back. What does letting go mean?
● Learning to redirect your thoughts
● Learning to release the emotions
● Learning to take control of your life again
What is the goal here
To get you to where you need to be. A version of you who is really good. Here are the traits:
● You’re fine. Actually fine—not pretending. You understand emotions and manage them. Sadness, anxiety, anger, jealousy, and desperation. ● You sleep deep, eat well, and your mood stays steady, leaning positive. ● You genuinely don’t give a fuck where she is or what she’s doing—because you’re good without her. You want her to be happy.
● You’re not sitting around waiting for No Contact to end or planning some weak comeback text.
● You’re focused—on your goals, your body, your money, your time. ● You move with calm, quiet confidence. No begging. No chasing. ● You don’t need her. You might want her—but that’s not the same. ● You’re not afraid to lose her—because you’re already winning by being unshakable.
The plan for your ex
About a play exactly around your ex, it unfolds as we go. Remember this, you've been working on yourself and in your head you think she should now start talking to you again. We are paying a price for the things that happened in the past. Not the past few days. When you guys were together and you dropped the ball.
Women don't forget just like that. Just because you've been making progress at the gym and made an extra cash and did a course, isn't gonna magically clear the resume with her.
More is needed. The dating scene is like open waters. None of these women you meet (your ex included) are family. You can't expect them to love and forgive you and give you another chance like a mother does. She will forever remember your emotional burst and what is considered weakness. When I say work on yourself, I mean detachment.
Not because I want you to forget her. Because she doesn't want the attached version of you. It's a burden to her. She doesn't trust it.
That's her experience and her belief for now. You are on her bad guys list and your attachment to her re-enforces that. Nothing will cross you off her bad guys list but your declaration of emotional independence. Guys ask me for a systematic approach to change her mind. That’s the beginning and the first thing to understand.
She's watching you. Don't worry about that. I have hundreds of stories including my own where the guy was blocked and later the ex made a comment about something she saw on his social media… For now, we have no choice but to detach no matter how much we don't want it.
Dating
I understand you may not feel good to date again but the program has a section on dating other women because you breached the protocols of dating with your ex. There are lessons you can only learn through other women—nothing else, no other experience, can teach you that. You’ll be ready when you’re ready. This isn’t about sex or rebounding. It’s about facing your weaknesses and demons, the ones you can only see through the mirror a woman holds up to you. If she’s told you “we’re not together anymore,” that means she’s free to meet other people—and there’s no reason you shouldn’t do the same, except your refusal to accept the situation. The sooner you face the dragon, the sooner you’ll get the results you’re after.
This section is not for fun. You can't just get away with it. You are not together. If you want her back, you will have to date her in one way or another. You think the advice doesn't apply to your situation, but you are just another guy whom some girl broke up with. Sorry if it hurt man. I have guys who come to me after 45 years of marriage.
It’s the same. Some guy lost it. Made mistakes. She had enough and left. No matter how we look at it.
You don't get special treatment because she is very important to you and you have invested emotionally in her (or with time or money) or if you are really sorry and regret the past.
The pain
I am back with my ex now after a 6 month breakup. The past 6 months have been nothing less than a hellish nightmare. Missing her and the break pain feels like someone’s shoving a thick, hot, burning metal pipe up your ass, in and out. But I did what I had to do and I didn't for one second fall for the idea that me or her or we are different. After a breakup, me and you are the same.
We are men who miss our exes. We want, they don’t want. Do you want to end this cycle of terror or do you want to live in a fantasy? My ex left 6 months ago. She said it straight to my face: don't wait for me, I am not coming back. Go date other women. I am done. You know who held my hand? No one. Me. Myself.
The boy must die
I just knew for me to get her back I had to let go of who I had become. I was just not good enough to be with her. Yeah I did my six packs abs too, I made a few extra hundred K, but none of that was or is what she needed to come back. I genuinely had to detach. I had the one-on-one with myself that “Ben, you fucked up and it’s ok. You fell under the mother-son frame with her.
It's over.”
To get her back, the boy must die for the man to be born. She wants that man.
Do you know what this means?
I am not talking about cash.
I am talking about becoming that emotionally aware and in control guy you need to become (fast) - The James Bond like guy.
Your current situation
Your ex doesn't care if you move on or not. You can stay "not moved on" for the rest of your life.
It won't bring her back.
It actually makes you look weaker in front of her.
Her mission is to move on.
If you want to get her back, get up!
No step-by-step outreach plan works if you see her as the only girl who can come back and you feel good about yourself just so you don't have to deal with these emotions.
These emotions; some or all of them (anger, sadness, guilt, regret, anxiety, fear, jealousy, and a few more); got you by your balls, squeezing hard.
You have to release and let go first.
Do you want a step-by-step outreach plan? That's your first step.
Right now, if you try to talk to her about “us,” she’ll tear you apart and crush your soul. Things are on her clock now.
How to let go
When you're in a relationship, your brain creates circuits that rely on her being around to function.
Now that she’s gone, those circuits are blocked, and that’s why you feel lost and everything seems to fall apart.
Your brain will build new circuits once you start building new routines. Release the emotions, build new routines.
It’s like going to the gym.
Think about a can of Coca-Cola—you shake it so much and when you open it, it explodes. You are right now that can and the emotions should go out of you.
Like I said, get a pillow and every day multiple times put your head in it and scream loud. Sometimes 10–15 min rounds.
Then journal. It's not for fun. I hate writing. But we have to. Write down everything that is on your mind. All of it. Beg, cry, curse, do it all, several times… bit on paper. If you want, do voice memos for yourself. Do not send it to her. If you want, send it to me.
When I say work on yourself, that's where we put the energy.
Gym, surfing, etc. is just on the outside.
The issue
Your girl wants you to let go but you need her, like a son needing his mom. Remember how you messed up before?
You had similar emotions in the past and made the mistake of bringing them to her. Right now, not letting go is the same thing.
You are a loaded gun.
You will not be able to handle her.
Man, I know how badly you want her. I feel you. I've told you before, I once ended up in a rehab center because of this.
She’s not your emotional support
Most guys don't understand what the role of the woman in their life is. There is no such thing as "the one."
She is the trigger to bring your weaknesses to the surface.
The higher quality the woman, the more she will trigger you and the more weaknesses you'll notice.
This mission can both serve or destroy you.
If you aim for the wrong target, it will fuck you up.
If you realize you've got an Achilles' heel and you need to fix that instead of building more muscles, then this will be the greatest thing ever happened to you.
I repeat, you wanna be back?
Let go.
Do this
The more you resist, the more it will hurt and the harder it will get. It's fucked man, I am with you.
You wanna know if you're ready or not?
You can run a test.
This is gonna be graphic and painful. If you are not in the right headspace, don't read this part.
If you wanna see if you're ready or not, picture her with other guys. If you're cool, then great.
But very likely, you wouldn't be ok with that right now and that means we have work to do.
You have to, no matter what, command control over how you feel and take these emotions under control.
Yes, jealousy included.
No woman wants to be on a pedestal.
Bro, the hardest thing is to admit I fucked up. I played a hand, I had some wins and I lost. I am not a bad loser. I let it hurt. I welcome the pain. The suffering. The answer to the woman is your moving on.
No woman wants a man who is stuck on her.
No woman wants a man who puts her on a pedestal.
She wants to be below you so she can praise you. By obsessing, you take away the very thing she needs to be drawn to you.
If emotions are not released, we will mentally collapse… despite outward discipline and achievement.
Your next target
At this stage your number one target is emotional freedom.
Emotions are energy. It's stuck in you.
You wanna talk to her right now is like you wanna go in the ring with Mike Tyson. He will kill you in 10 seconds.
Your new attitude
You need to learn to let go of the guilt along with all those other emotions too. You need the ability to say fuck that, I did all I could.
I did my best.
I was under pressure. I couldn't really do better. Fuck that and anyone who doesn't accept. I am good.
How to get back
And no, it's not done.
You still have a chance but you have to realize there is no "us" anymore. You are now one of the guys now, and if you want back, there is no VIP red carpet for you.
You have to upgrade your game.
It doesn't mean texting games or pickup or manipulation. You, my friend, MUST learn to release the emotions and allow yourself to be fucked up, sad, angry, and let your system process. Sometimes it comes in the form of crying, sometimes nightmares, sometimes screaming and sometimes anger.
Never forget this bro… the guy who lost the girl is not the guy who gets her back. More on dating
I wanna tell you more about dating.
At first, it won’t feel right. It’ll ache. It’ll feel wrong. That voice inside will whisper, Don’t do it. Don’t date.
THIS IS NOT FOR A SITUATION WHERE YOUR EX SAYS “I JUST WANT A BREAK AND I WILL BE BACK.” IF SHE DECLARED BREAKUP AND SHE’S GONE, DATING IS A PART OF YOUR JOURNEY.
Yes, it's brutal because first, your ex might be a 9 and right now you can easily get rejected by a 2.
That will fuck your confidence up in ways you can only imagine but you have to go through it man.
Yes, you're gonna get rejected, you're gonna feel depressed because the new girl won't be your ex… she won't be as hot, she won't understand you, she won't move like her, she won't talk like her and you have to use a condom.
Fuck that—but that’s the reality right now. No matter how deep and disgusting this part of the road is, we have to walk through it. It’s like walking through 100 feet of neck-deep shit.
If it’s too hard to start, I get it.
Don't force yourself and give yourself more time to grieve.
You will resist.
But the answer to your liberation is the next girl.
Not just any girl. One better than your ex.
Is the answer really the next girl?
More than 7000 guys have been through my program and not even once has someone who met someone better said “Oh I wish I was still with my ex.” All these fellows were as obsessed and crazy and madly in love with their exes.
If you resist for any reason, that's ok. I understand.
Important
To summarize; the chapter’s over, man. Your ex will be in a new relationship. It can be with you, but will you accept the new settings?
Will you let go?
Will you realize it was just another relationship that no one else on the planet cares about?
You’re not some special snowflake, and neither am I.
You just lost someone important.
If you want to get her back, you have to approach it mechanically. Master your emotions.
Rebuild yourself into the independent, powerful man you were when she was drawn to you.
This process demands full awareness.
You need to confront the resistance inside you, the part that wants to keep you stuck in the comfort of the past instead of pushing forward into the new era.
Read this a few times. This is not a drill. We have a dragon to kill. Like I said this can be the best or the worst thing ever happened to you.