Most men don’t understand the function of a woman in their life or in a relationship. They believe a woman is there to love them unconditionally, to stay forever, no matter what happens. So when turbulence shows up, and it always does, they panic. They freak out because their model of how relationships work does not match reality.
The truth is simple. Every relationship comes with turbulence. Most of the time, men don’t do their part properly and still expect everything to work. Lack of emotional. They bring their instability into the relationship, create emotional pain for their partner, and then she pulls back. When that happens, everything starts falling apart.
But here’s what confuses most men even more. Sometimes the man does everything right. He shows up, he’s solid, he’s consistent, and turbulence still comes. That’s not a failure. That’s the nature of relationships. Relationships move through phases. Attraction, distance, connection, tension. This is normal. The problem is not the turbulence. The problem is how men react to it.
Stronger men don’t panic when things go down. Whether that strength comes from experience or self work doesn’t matter. When turbulence hits, they keep living their life. They don’t freeze. They don’t beg. They don’t try to fix everything out of fear. Their life remains ordered, grounded, and moving forward.
Other men collapse. They panic, obsess, spiral, and lose themselves. They lose their routines, their focus, their identity. Yes, sadness is normal. Pain is normal. But it should be contained. If you had to put numbers on it, you should be about 80 percent okay with your life and 20 percent in pain. That pain passes faster than most men realize, if it’s handled correctly.
If you are suffering deeply, if you feel like you’ve lost yourself, it’s not because of the woman. It’s because you had no boundaries with the relationship. You let it become your emotional dumping ground. A relationship is not where you unload unprocessed emotions. You are responsible for regulating yourself.
Many men think reading a few books means they understand relationships. They don’t. The only real measure is how you feel and how well you manage those feelings. Your emotional state is the clearest feedback system you have.
So ask yourself this honestly. Over the past few days or weeks, what have you been feeling most? Regret. Sadness. Jealousy. Despair. Anger. Resentment. If the negative list outweighs the positive one, then the truth is simple. You haven’t learned the lesson yet. What are the lessons?
She is not your mother. That mindset has to shift.
Love is conditional. You either accept or keep getting punched in the face emotionally.
You are waiting for her to make you happy and deal with your emotions.
You are thinking about this the wrong way. No one is responsible for how you feel, so stop complaining. It's your emotions.
You have to parent yourself and teach your nervous system to be happy alone, without being a victim, sad, or butthurt. You’ve been lied to that a woman can make you happy. You’re still holding on to someone else’s idea. You have to accept that this model of the world does not match reality or what is actually happening.
Remember this. Repeating negative mantras, sad stories, hopeless thoughts, and victim narratives will only make you feel worse. Every time you rehearse them, you reinforce the emotional state you are trying to escape.
Your nervous system does not care if a thought is true or useful. It reacts to repetition. What you repeat becomes familiar. What becomes familiar feels real. And what feels real starts to shape your behavior.
This is why obsessing, replaying conversations, and telling yourself the same painful story over and over keeps you stuck. You are training your body to stay in distress.
You don’t heal by drowning in emotion. You heal by regulating it. Catch the loop. Interrupt it. Redirect your attention toward action, structure, and forward movement.
Your emotions improve when your inputs improve. That is not motivation. That is mechanics.