You know how COVID got famous for a pandemic, get the idea, now check this: the real pandemic is a Fear-based conditioning aka Subconscious fear loops.
100% of us are programmed to be in defence mode to survive. This means we don't take loss well. *We postpone it*. Or not even face it.
I give you a scenario and tell you how I do it that turns the fear into excitement. I am currently with my gf, 2.5 years together, last year has been blissful and connected. She's perfect and loves me and I love her.
But we want different things. A solid reason to break up. After engineering a clean breakup, which is extremely dangerous for anxious attachment, I am leaving in 3 weeks. It was supposed to be today but airport closed etc, so mid April I am aiming to leave.
The first thoughts are walking away from an amazing woman, loving, kind, close, super hot, and loves me. What if I never see her again and she meets someone else and etc, and the whole snowball.
But how have I been reframing the situation and programming myself to turn fear to joy?
Rewrite the future instead of the negative “what ifs,” a positive one. Wrote down a list of everything that I will be doing.
After her, what will I be doing? More time to build new products and videos, travel, and more time, energy, and investment in myself with freedom. New connections, new adventures. Plus, I know there is an extremely high chance that I will always be her best chance. This is true for most guys but they just don't know it.
What is the default though?
After her, it’s just me. More time, but emptier. Building, working, distracting myself, but she’s not there. Traveling, meeting people, but none of it feels the same. New faces, but not her. And deep down, I know… I was one of her best chances, and she still let it go.
Catch your negative future pacing. Parent your weak mind.
All the focus redirects to positive “what if” and the bright vision instead of the loss.
One caveat... if confidence is low, if cash is low, if skills are low, if self-image is bad, the bright vision will not exist. There’s a correlation there. (Which by the way, confidence is just an illusion. The better you can work yourself, ironicaly the better your life becomes).
The key is to recognise and not stay with these emotions. Confusion, sadness, fear, regret, insecurity, despair, and guilt.
If you keep them in, they become invisble and harder to release.
Do this:
Do not go head-to-head with what is happening, with the current reality that you don't like; it will break you.
Take a deep breath and remember what is happening, is what should be happening even if it's not what you want now.
The more you resist, the harder it gets and so those emotions amplify.
Remember it’s a pandemic to live in pain and fear and those demonic emotions. Say fuck it. Let go. Your resources are too limited and valuable to be chewed up by these.
The formula is this:
Use the past, for the experience, not regret.
Use today to be here and enjoy it, don’t waste it in the past or future
Use thoughts of tomorrow for hope, not despair.
You, me, and all of us have missiles coming our way, the fear reaction is default. I say with confidence 99 out of 100 of us don’t know this and live in the pain of loss. That's the default setting. If i am not careful, I mess it up too to and end up losing years in stagnation.
Your compass is the fear, the guilt, and the negative I shared. That's all those emotionsa re for. Look into them, read this a few times. When you have tough decisions to make, remember this. Vision, strategy, plan, execution.