This hostile behavior is classic control / power play. Attacking you to make you feel insecure so she can get compliance as a result.
She might be doing this to get back at you due to something you did in the past.
This makes her feel good about herself.
Here is more detail:
This is due to a few things.
Unresolved resentment from the past. Whatever happened when you were together, she is not over it.
Her life after you still sucks and she subconsciously knows YOU are not the problem, but it makes her feel better about herself and the situation to blame you.
This is partially driven by insecurity. “If he doesn’t say I’m beautiful → maybe I’m not → panic.”
Validation dependency. She wanted a strong emotional hit. Didn’t get it → attack to bring you down too so you feel pain as well.
Extremly poor communication skills. This really doesn’t matter because someone who attacks like that is disqualified as a partner anyway. But if you are interested to know more, yes, this also shows poor communication habits. Instead of saying what she wants, she threatens the end of relationships.
Emotional leverage / control behavior: threatening breakup to get compliance.
People do this when they: Don’t know how to communicate clearly, or feel powerless or unheard, or try to force a result instead of earning it It’s not strength.
WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT SHOW HER THIS WORKS WITH YOU. IF YOU COMPLY, ALL THE RESPECT WILL DISAPPEAR AND SHE WILL NEVER SEE AN US with you.
What you can do now:
The best thing you can do is to stay silent. Don’t reward the behavior. There is so much power in that. She knows she fucked up. Even if she doesn't fully know, she will with your silence.
The second best thing (I don't really recommend it) is to engage: Hey I am not sure what bothered you. Are you ok?
I am gonna leave you with one thought... never let anyone bully you in any form or shape. Everything you want from her is sitting on the foundations of respect. If you drop the ball with this one, it will cost you trust.