Breakup Evolution Over Time
My first breakup took me 1 year to get over. 1 year of agony, depression, failing at university, anger, crying. This is 2001.
My second breakup took me 6 months to get over. 6 months of extreme pain. At one point I was waking up in the middle of the night screaming, in a cold sweat looking for her around the house. This is 2009.
My third breakup was also agonizing. Around 2012, I was down for a good 4 months.
My 4th breakup was different; 2017. By this time I knew how to meet women fast. It wasn't as painful as I numbed my way.
In my 5th breakup, I was more advanced. Still painful but because I understood the setup, the number of distractions I had around was enough to help me get by.
My last breakup, today. I took her to the airport, kissed her goodbye and she flew away. The level of pain is 1%. It's incredible. I want to share with you what I did differently and what helped so you can get immunity too. These are the things that I learned.
Why It Really Hurts
Most breakups come with a dark mix of regret, rejection, anger, butt-hurt, jealousy, and a tremendous amount of fear, supercharging insecurities.
The Rules Of the Game If You Want Things To Go Well
The Relationship Must Be Quality
Most relationships are desperate, lack respect and trust and are low quality overall. They are together for the wrong reasons. Most people don't have the sophistication or the understanding of what a respectful and good relationship is, which leads to a good breakup.
This is what a quality relationship is: You understand, love and, respect each other. You are on the same team, care about each other and want what’s best for each other. There is no room for ego or bad attitude. Both sides are self-aware too. There is no jealousy, there is no resentment; these issues are taken care of in the relationship with proper communication. There is no room for insecurities and drama. If you don't have your ducks in a row, if she's a problematic woman, the relationship will eventually fail and the breakup will be a catastrophic event. Even if you realize you are not a match, instead of fighting, you handle it like adults / you approach it with maturity and treat each other with love and walk away.
All these skills are covered in the 12-week course.
The breakup needs to be planned months before it happens and it should be executed with a great deal of care so neither of you gets hurt.
You might be thinking if the relationship is good, it won't lead to a breakup. Sometimes it does, when you want different things, kids for example. One of you wants and one doesn't.
Most People Break Up The Opposite Way. Messy, Emotional, Reactive.
They don’t plan anything, it just explodes in the moment
Built-up resentment comes out all at once
Fights, blame, accusations instead of calm communication
One person pulls away slowly, the other chases harder
Mixed signals, hot and cold behavior
Jealousy, insecurity, and ego drive decisions
No closure, just confusion and unanswered questions
Breakup happens during peak emotion, not clarity
One tries to “win” or hurt the other
They stay in contact in a toxic way (arguing, checking, reacting)
Or they cut off completely in anger (blocking, ghosting)
No agreement on terms, everything is chaotic
Results:
Way more pain
Longer recovery
Obsession, rumination, regret
Higher chance of on-off cycles and more damage
In Short, Here Are The Rules:
You understand, love, and respect each other
You are on the same team
You care about each other and want what’s best for each other
No ego, no bad attitude
Both sides are self-aware
No jealousy or resentment; issues are handled through proper communication
No insecurities or drama
You have your life in order and choose a non-problematic partner
If you’re not a match, you handle it with maturity, treat each other with love, and walk away clean
The breakup is planned months in advance
The breakup is executed with care so neither of you gets hurt
A good relationship can still end if you want different things (for example, kids vs no kids)
If you haven’t already, check the calendar and resources, and dig in.