To a woman, your needy energy looks like physical repulsiveness.
Desperation ruins your attractive. Insecurity looks just as bad as physical neglect. Emotional weakness is the ultimate turn-off. You see physical beauty; she sees emotional strength. An insecure guy is visually ugly to her radar.
This is for situations where you have anxiety because you need reassurance.
The second she feels you're reactive to her pullbacks, or that you need her or her text messages, some unpleasant phenomena happen.
She realizes that she has power over you and that is a major disaster in a relationship.
Not only does she feel the **power imbalance**, now she thinks "My attention has an effect on his mood" - she also starts feeling pressure. Her freedom feels jeopardized, and she can lose emotional safety because now she has to worry about how her actions will affect you.
And that's usually the beginning of the end.
No matter how badly you want reassurance that you and her are good, no matter how badly you want her to like you or choose you, and no matter how desperate you feel, DO NOT SHOW YOUR DESPERATION AND ANXIOUSNESS TO HER.
She's not your emotional support. She chooses the man who stays emotionally unaffected by the instability.
Your fear, desperation, insecurity, need for approval, anger, or frustration....
For attraction to stay active, you need a decent level of non-reactivity.
If you want to hire a therapist and cry to him for an hour every day, do it.
If you want to call me and talk to me, do it. Just don't bring it to her.
Is it unfair? Yes, I know.
You may have a lot to offer, but until she's hooked and attached to you, she's not gonna be fully compliant. And when emotions hit, it's gonna be hard to remember any of these words.
A BIG FAT DISCLAIMER: There's a line too. If she's doing things that are clearly over the line - sleeping with other guys, deliberately disrespecting you, lying to you, cheating, humiliating you, manipulating you, breaking agreements, or constantly crossing your boundaries - you don't tolerate. You walk.
So remind yourself of this: showing your neediness, anger, frustration, and desperation is the reason things end. Stay calm. Stay non-reactive. She is the trigger but don't put your emotional chaos on her.